The Value of Counselling
If life is getting on top of you and daily struggles are becoming too much, then you may come to a point when you’re ready to reach out for help. The decision to begin counselling can take courage.
Most people have questions regarding counselling or therapy. Some wonder about the value of counselling, questioning if a conversation with a friend would be as beneficial?
If you have been asking yourself any questions regarding beginning therapy, maybe what’s written here might answer some of your questions.
Fears
Over time you may have put strong defences in place – often established from childhood – These defences enable you to keep going. Defences –things like keeping your feelings contained, or denying the need to cry – can feel like the framework that holds you up. You might fear that if you let those defences down then that framework might fall apart. When you feel you have no choice other than give in to those feelings of anxiety, sadness, loss or loneliness, then you might fear you will be overwhelmed and unable to recover.
This fear is very real, especially if you have courageously ‘coped’ for a long time. Counselling is a process, and the relationship you build with your therapist, will make it gradually safer for you to relax those defences and allow yourself and your counsellor to truly see through to the raw feelings you’re carrying. Your therapist will ensure that you are safe and your experiences are contained in the therapy room: If you feel the need to clarify how your counsellor will contain your thoughts, feelings and emotions, then please ask them, they will want to reassure you every step of the way. It might help to know that normally, our feelings will wait for us to be ready to explore their meaning – they have incredible patience.
Shame and Judgement
Initially it might seem difficult to open up to a complete stranger about the life experiences that are troubling you. You may fear that the person listening to you may make judgement calls on your life, or judge you and what you’re saying.
All therapists, counsellors included, go through years of training and having therapy themselves, in order to process their own life experiences: only then can they can be fully present for you.
Good therapists will know how crucial it is for you to feel safe enough to explore the inner recesses of that incredible mind. They don’t hold judgements, double-layer shame or impose their own opinions, how could they, the experience is yours and yours alone, no-one will have felt the way you feel, that’s because you are uniquely you.
I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed but it feels so much easier to talk when someone shows a genuine interest in what we have to say. When that someone has the ability to hold your past and present experiences in a space that affords you safety and the sense of being metaphorically held. Within this space, tailored uniquely for you, your thoughts can be reflected with empathy and curiosity. You will have your therapist’s full attention. This can be a healing experience in itself.
Reflecting
Even though counsellors are skilled listeners, talking therapy is not a one-sided affair where you do all the talking. Counsellors will engage with you and encourage you to reflect on the things you share; helping you articulate and make sense of your thoughts and feelings.
Reflecting on our life experiences, observing through a profoundly personal lens, learning where we might have had to exile certain events in order to survive, becoming curious about the coping strategies we’ve used – and so much more, allows us to develop the expertise of understanding our inner experience, which helps create emotional resilience.
When we become familiar with our emotional states we begin to understand them, because of this they are less likely to overwhelm us. Instead, we can allow our feelings to help us think about what we need. This allows us to develop self-compassion, self-care and self-esteem.
I hope these words have helped in some way. I believe good therapy can make a huge difference to our lives and to the way we think and treat ourselves.
Julie